Hey ladies! We all know that the purpose of fashion is to attract as many men as possible, for purposes such as feeding/clothing us or giving us a place to live.
Perfecting the art is crucial, so dont just save your most stylish outfits for dating actual men! DATE YOUR FRIENDS FOR PRACTISE.
(we strongly recommend doing this in the privacy of your own homes to save embarassment/being mistaken for lesbians thus preventing the approach of elidgible male species.)
1) Being weak: men love weak women. Difficulties opening wine bottles creates the perfect opportunity to allow the male species to step in and help.Displaying your weakness of arms implies weakness of MINDS - nothing is more attractive to men than a corruptible mind.
2) Men love a woman who can microwave. The advantage of microwaves is that they can have a meal all hot and ready in no time. If a simple microwave can do that to a roasted aubergine, just think what he can do to you.
4) If you're going on a date to a nice place it's always good to wear your best LBD and your most expensive jewellery. Who knows what colour the food may end up and black and diamonds go with everything!
5) Candles: Lighting is crucial, choose subtle lighting to enhance the mood and make the food look more appetising. Candle light makes everything look appetising. Especially you.
6) Protection against Ageing: It is a well known fact that candle light, despite its aphrodisiac qualities, contains the HIGHEST levels of UVA rays! (Oh my goodness!)
2) Men love a woman who can microwave. The advantage of microwaves is that they can have a meal all hot and ready in no time. If a simple microwave can do that to a roasted aubergine, just think what he can do to you. Plus a quick cooking time means less waiting time for........dessert (hmmm......!)
3) Lace reminds men of underwear. And of funerals. An awareness of death raises testosterone levels by heightening the survival instinct.
4) If you're going on a date to a nice place it's always good to wear your best LBD and your most expensive jewellery. Who knows what colour the food may end up and black and diamonds go with everything!
5) Candles: Lighting is crucial, choose subtle lighting to enhance the mood and make the food look more appetising. Candle light makes everything look appetising. Especially you. 
6) Protection against Ageing: It is a well known fact that candle light, despite its aphrodisiac qualities, contains the HIGHEST levels of UVA rays! (Oh my goodness!)
Shield your peepers from these damaging rays and avoid the on-set of wrinkles by wearing sunglasses at dinner.
Mystery is key to seduction and wearing sunglasses will make you look like a detective/spy. Men tend to find this irresistible.
An alternative option is holding a newspaper with eye holes or donning a standard brown paper bag over your head. DO NOT FORGET A BREATHING HOLE.
7) Holding your wine glass with an outwardly stretched small finger is a subtle phallic gesture. But one that would not go unnoticed by your male companion!
DO THIS AT ALL TIMES. EVEN WITH YOUR KNIFE AND FORK. Conversation is to be avoided except to ask for things like money/jewellery.
Lucrative Duress (chinese) models small finger, wine bottle and corkscrew.
Hippo Killer models aubergine, sunglasses and microwave.
Keep it real!
LD, HK, xxxxx
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