Feral Fantasy in the Forest

Autumn is upon us.

As the leaves turn brown let your inner colours shine through your eternal style.  Unleash your inner pagan goddess.  Sneak a kiss with a sailor, let your hair down, have sex in the graveyard, do an expressive dance at church, let it all hang out.  

  

We are imprisoned in the realm of life, like a sailor on his tiny boat, on an infinite ocean.
Anna Freud 

If you accidentally kill your creature of love with your too ferocious luuurving, don;t be afraid. Camouflage and hide in the woods.Adopt, adapt, ACCESSORIZE!

 


Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.

A. Sachs

v  There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.George Santayana (1863 - 1952), Soliloquies in England, 1922, "War Shrines"



Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one.

Friedrich Nietzsche

   

Blair: I didn't want to let you go just yet.

                                                   Chuck: Don't let anyone tell you you're not powerful. You're the most powerful woman I know.

“....with the morbid realisation that his sexual being was a dull thing, a lifeless thing, a mass-produced marionette with chipped paint and fraying strings” 

― Will Self, Cock & Bull

 A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Great loves too must be endured. 

                                                                              Coco Chanel 

 Vintage is more than a style.  It's a mindset.  One gal's dead bird is another gal's nandos.

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

-Sex and the CIty

 










 There is no explanation for this.


Please do not read into it.






Lots of love


Lithuanian Duck


and


Hircine Kiwi

A Lecture on Self Defence and Surrealism

EVER WONDERED HOW TO SELF-DEFEND IN STYLE?? No? Well its about time you did ladies!!

Here is what every girl needs in her life, how to fight off unexpected attackers in your most fashionable attire. We all know that EVERYTHING requires a pre-thought out outfit and that a stylish girl does EVERYTHING in style!

Choice of Weapons - fire scares off a multitude of potential threats - from moths, rabid animals to intruders. A fabulous lighter will do the trick! Pink and black leopard print is the best choice of lighters for this task - the animal print will fool your attackers into thinking that they are up against a fire-spitting wild beast!!

Snarling - Snarling is both sexy and powerful! Bear your shiny gnashers to let your attackers know that they are risk a excruciating bite if they come any closer!!

You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Ward off your demons with meditation. It's all in your head so why not wrap that head in a fashion-forward turban.

Fear and loathing in Chanel.

Water is your friend. Any attacker is sure to assume it is a more potent substance eg, pepper spray, hair bleach, make-up remover etc and react accordingly. IE RUN AWAY, smeared eye-makeup ew!

Plus if you're wearing a white t-shirt, you can 'accidentally' spray a little on yourself and leave a lasting impression on the predator! you minx

Pretend to be an eagle. No one wants to rape an eagle!! Painful!

Would you leave an small baby orphaned in the world, just because you wanted to kill its hot mother? I don't think so. Play with the attacker's mind a little.

Cradle the nearest cushion like a baby. You may accessorise with cooing sounds as if to sooth your child. Remind him of his mother and there's no way he'll be able to bring himself to hurt you.

Before you know it, you may even have formed a relationship with your new little friend. In anticipation of this, try to select a funky-printed cushion so that people won't think you're totally lame, and instead simply have excellent taste in interiors.

Knives: there is no question about it, knives are effective, streamlined and sexy.

They are also highly phallic.

When it all gets a bit too much, elephants are your friends. Friendly and fluffy, they really know their stuff when it comes to dressing down bad features. Think ears, think Dumbo!! If he can hide that, then you can hide those unsightly cheeks with no problem!

Kitchen utensils make great props - for both attack and defence.

They can also be clunked together as instruments for your evil warding gypsy dance.

Perplex your perpetrator into positive paralysis, by flashing him conflicting signals. He'll be completely paranoid about who he can trust (it ain't you sister!).

Play dead. The undead that is. Think girl out of the Exorcist! Arranging various bottles and flowers around you help the channelling of spirits through a seance to really scare your attacker. Opening your eyes as wide as possible is a MUST!

Dress like a pirate and hide in your own pirate ship - or your bathtub.

Rubbing garlic on your face: this is an excellent defence against vampires. It also makes you look completely nuts. If your attacker think you're nuts s/he is more likely to be frightened of you.

Bed sheet chic - If your intruder catches you mid-sleep your bed sheet will make a fashionable garment so you can look stylish throughout your battle.

Holding a red light next to your face helps make you look more like a sexy, intimidating woman. He'll be heading to the exit for a little time alone ;) in no time. They don't call it the red light district for nothing?

If all else fails, reason with your attacker. Ask him what motivates him. Why is he bothered to attack you? If you're quite fashionable them he may have seen you in the streets and wishes to steal some of your fabulous couture. If this is the case, then scissor him immediately. If he is simply a poor beggar in need of food, why not offer him a garlic or two and send him on his way.

Above all else, keep your cool.

Use your garlics as accessories - they make a great shoulder trinket!! The round contours of the garlic will make your shoulders look slender and elegant!

Flash you top-notch smouldering gazes - it's all about being faaabulous at all costs!!

And most importantly, no matter how hard it gets, keep your fashion wits about you. You want to be able to look back on this and think, wow!, that was fucking scary, but I was fucking fabulous!

Lucky Dumbo and Hack Kock

Feeling brave and Fighting Tough

Hot Houswife-Fabulous Fiona features

Being sexy is compatible with the kitchen and all of the tasks involved in maintaining it. Using kitchen utensils as fashion accessorises is both economical and cutting edge. Literally!!

Check these out.

Spoons, whisks and sieves make the perfect addition to an ordinary belt. Snazz it up and whisk up a storm in the fashion world. There's the added convenience that you'll have everything you could ever need to go about your womanly duties, at an arm's length.

There is nothing sexier than latex gloves. Hot pink latex gloves and the kitchen's heating up! Somebody turn on the extractor fan! Your hands will always be protected for any messy and wet tasks/JOBS! (oh so saaauuuucy)

Create some atmosphere with a fan. Put on a bit of show why don't you. The chores have got to be done so why not have some fun with them?

Is it getting hot in here?

These dishes are making me feel so dirty!

Flirt with danger. You are the lord and ruler of your kingdom and a girl's kitchen is her kingdom. If you feel the need to cut your lips GO AHEAD, this makes them redder and plumper.

What do you think? Will you ever have a boring day cleaning up ever again?

WE DON'T THINK SO!

Love Luge Duckbum and Hating Koala

ft. Fumbling Burrito